hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
