Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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