I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
