So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
