You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
