Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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