We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
