and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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