I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
it was like eating out sand paper
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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