Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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