made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
