I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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