Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
