i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
there is glitter all over my balls
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
