A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
