He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
