my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
