i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm always down for nudity.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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