I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
