laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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