Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
