last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
