why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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