what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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