i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So vagazzling was a success
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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