I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
