Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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