Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
