the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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