I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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