you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
