when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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