tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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