drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Plan B is the new Plan A
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
