If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
