You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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