Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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