Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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