NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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