When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
