At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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