I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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