hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
All I want is dick and wine.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
