She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
