My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
