Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
