the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
