I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
