He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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