Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize