hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
