and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
