You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
