after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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