nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
