Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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