He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize