Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
