It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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