Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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