I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
