my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
