Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Still dying that you shit outside
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Randomize