I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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