how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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