I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize