remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
