worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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