so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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