have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize