I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
