my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
