3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
