Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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