there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
