From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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