I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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