I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
