Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
