On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm bleeding and have questions
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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