So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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