She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
