Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
