I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize