he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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