What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
