She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
