Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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