We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
