I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
